Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
