The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
