Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
