I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
