i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
