I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
