the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
