he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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