let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
