So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
