The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
