ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Someone shit on the floor
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
