i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
