Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
