He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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