I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
