The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
