Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
