She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
