sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
