Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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