I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
