This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
