I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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