Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
