do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
