omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
