I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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