Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
