Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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