she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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