i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
