you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
