Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
