so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You took a bar mat shot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
