This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
