friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
