Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
