we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
