you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
