smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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