He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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