Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
