A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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