I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
