im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
