You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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