Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
