the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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