Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
