is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
did you just send me my own nude
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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