I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
