he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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