The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
