That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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