im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
