im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pants are for mortals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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